Categories: Career Blogs

Years ago I took a series of courses from an organization called Context Associated. At the time their concepts on personal responsibility were leading edge. The overall message from all of their courses was that we are all responsible for everything we create, I mean everything.

It was a hard message to hear and there were a lot of “what about this” statements. We were all fighting the concept of personal responsibility because it put us in the driver’s seat in our lives. Victimville – bye bye.

One of the concepts I want to share with you (trust me I will bring this back to career and work) was called “Are You Winning In Your Life?” High level – before you leave any relationship you have to ask your self three main questions.

  1. Am I winning in my life? (Winning being the process of creating what I am certain is most important to me.)
  2. Am I being the way I want you to be?
  3. Do I want this relationship?

The challenge was to answer and work on the first two questions before moving to the third.

I believe this concept is highly transferrable to your work.

The not for profit sector in particular is well know for having a 18 month turnover rate, especially those in the area of foundation and fund development work. And I also know from recruiting in the private sector there are a lot of other industries challenged similarly

As a recruiter, I have many people coming to me who want to leave jobs because they are disconnected and frustrated. They have issues with people, are no longer challenged, and are frustrated with their job descriptions or their ability to move up in the organization.

Many people are serial job changers and like a relationship they are always looking for greener pastures, the exciting honeymoon moon period where relationships are still good.

I’ve always liked the title of one of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book’s, “Wherever You Go, There You Are”. The essence – we show up the same way in each situation and if we want things to change the shift has to come from the inside out.

So let’s start with question number one and make it work oriented.

Question One – “Am I winning in my work?”

Are you doing everything you can do to ensure you are successful and satisfied in your present job? Are you winning?

Here’s some questions to help you answer that question…

  • Do you know what your core strengths are and are you using them every day? (Strengths Finder by Tom Rath is a good way to answer this question)
  • Have you enlisted your boss to help you use your strengths to the fullest?
  • Do you know your core values and personal mission and are you using them at work?
  • Are you taking on new and exciting challenges, the kind that make your heart pound because they are so big?
  • Have you explored how your relationships are affecting your level of satisfaction and ability to perform? What’s your role?
  • Have you created a vision for who you want to be and what you want to accomplish in the next 6 and 12 months? What does success look like to you?
  • Have you done an audit on your personal life to determine whether discontentment is impacting your work life i.e. are you assigning blame for your work life for your personal life because your personal like is harder to change?

Question 2 – Am I being the way I want you to be?

In a relationship context we often get upset with someone because they aren’t doing or being what we want them to be. The idea is to figure out what you are wanting others to be and then start being that yourself.

In the context of work I often hear people complaining about their bosses, peers, subordinates, and stakeholders. Generally though I have to say it’s the bosses that are the main focus.

What are you asking your boss (or other individuals) to be that they are not? Perhaps you want them to be more communicative, trustworthy, inclusive, supportive, or encouraging. Now practice these very things within your work environment and see what happens. You might be surprised.

As Gandhi says “You must be the change you want to see in the world”.

Question 3 – “Do I want this relationship?”

Do you want this job?

If you’ve done all of the above and done it with good faith and a belief in self responsibility to create what you want, then you are ready to answer this question.

Even if you feel like you are truly committed to leaving your job you have nothing to lose by trying to make it the best of situations while you are looking for a new job. What have you got to lose?

Here’s what you have to gain. If your attitude improves so will your work and now you have secured a better reference. You’ll start feeling more confident and that confidence will show through in your interviews. Future employers will see that you take responsibility for yourself and trust me that’s really attractive.

I truly believe that we can always make a situation better regardless of the circumstances.

Remember you are responsible for everything you create in your life. Don’t make your boss or organization responsible for your fear to step up and outside your comfort zone, your challenge managing relationships, your current lack of skill in communication, your lack of vision for your own career…

No need for self blame here just apply a bit of awareness and be kind to yourself.

Who knows maybe the job you were planning to leave will be the job you end up loving.